So apparently i wrote this blog post in August 2019, and I never posted it! I most likely wrote it during one of Charlottes naps, and then completely forgot about it, until 6 months later!! (sounds about right!)

AUGUST 2019:

As my start date of going back to my “job” approaches (September 19th!), I cant help but feel extremely lucky for the past 15 months diving head first into my other “job” (mother).

My original plan was to take 12 months off (come back to work in June), but we had to wait for vacancies in the adidas daycare which didn’t open up until September. So I took the last 3 months as unpaid leave so I could spend the time with Charlotte.

When we told friends and family we were pregnant and having our baby in Germany, I was getting so many questions I wrote a blog post here. Its funny to now look back at what I had wrote, I was so focused on being pregnant and having the baby, that I didn’t think much about the ‘after’.

EXPAT PARENTAL LEAVE STRUGGLES

Living in Germany as an expat can sometimes feel.. lonely… and then spending a year out of work on maternity leave can feel even more alienating. Don’t get me wrong - I am grateful for my year of maternity leave. But - I loved my job, I loved working with my team, I loved working out at Crossfit every morning. And all of that came to a halt, and I was home alone every day with my (adorable) little baby girl.

Between Andrew and I, I am the more ‘social-needy’ one in the relationship. I love being around people, making new friends & working on projects in a group. So I was honestly worried that I would be jealous and spiteful when Andrew would come home from work telling me about his day.

So here are some of the ways I navigated through those fears, and made some of the most amazing memories (and friends) on that year off.

TIPS ON HOW TO NAVIGATE THROUGH PARENTAL LEAVE AS AN EXPAT

Create your own “mama tribe”:

Having a baby can sometimes feel alienating, especially if you are in a country that is not your home, with no family, and you don’t speak the language. Having friends who had babies of similar age was a lifesaver. Coffee meet ups, playground dates, etc.
I wasn’t friends with any of these girls prior to having Charlotte - I had only met them because of Charlotte!
If I heard a mother speaking english with her baby, I would literally be like “Hi! So you are an expat in Germany too? Be my friend!”. Babies give you a great excuse to make new friends.

Host a ‘baby brunch’ or playdate at your home”

Like i wrote earlier, i’m a ‘people person’. I love being surrounded by people, hosting parties, etc. And that didn’t need to stop once I had a baby! I will admit, the level of detail definitely went down because there is only so much you can get done during that one hour nap! But your friends will understand - we’re all in the same place.
Also - this is great for when its cold outside, and you don’t want to take over another cafe with your loud, crawling babies.

Don’t let yourself fall into the “trap”

You know, the trap of: “what did i even do today??” I fed Charlotte, cleaned up breakfast, put her down for a nap, fed myself, took a shower, did laundry, she woke up early from her nap, fed her lunch, cleaned again… etc etc” the day seems to fly by without feeling like you accomplished anything in particular!! And that is such a negative trap to fall into - because you are keeping your little mini-me alive, happy and healthy! I’d say that was a productive day! ;)
What help me stay out of that trap:
- Write lists! even with the simplest tasks. It feels so good to cross it off! And then I’d look back at the end of the day thinking “wait - I actually did get a lot done today!”
- Take pictures and videos of your little one and send your husband updates. Andrew loved seeing Charlotte throughout the day, and it felt nice to share what we were doing each day.
- Cooking! Charlotte was a pretty good napper, so I found it therapeutic and exciting to try to make new meals for dinner while she naps. Homemade gnocchi, indian night with homemade naan, basically anything from Half Baked Harvest. I felt like I had accomplished a task by the end of the day. (and Andrew loved it too!).

Get outside every day:

Once autumn hits Germany, it gets very dreary and grey until April. With a baby, it becomes easy to hibernate inside, but after some time it feels quite depressing. I would set up coffee dates with my “mama friends”, go for a walk into the city or just go for a walk in the park. Anything to get us out and get some fresh air in our lungs.

Facetime with family:

I feel so grateful that we are living in Germany during a time that Facetime exists. Although we are far from family, it makes us feel that much closer if i can see my family “face to face” every weekend.
Create a schedule for facetiming. It has helped so much knowing that on Sunday afternoon we ALWAYS facetime with both sets of parents (or grandparents to Charlotte).

Oh, and of course, how could I forget: TRAVEL

This will need to be saved for a separate blog post because it is so important & extensive. But to give you an idea - during my 15 months of parental leave, she had been on 26 plane rides & 12 countries.

I am so grateful for how much travel we did within her first year. She slept everywhere, I was the food, and she didn’t have an opinion of where we should go or what we should do. Now, at 20 months, things are becoming a bit more complicated. (but still amazing and worth it!)

Although it is of course not ideal to live far from family when you have a baby, I must admit… it was somewhat liberating. Knowing that we survived this first year all on our own. We delivered our baby in a German hospital, with no experience what-so-ever, and we somehow raised the most amazing little sweetheart.